Thursday, 28 December 2006
Graduted with a desmond, been hunting since june for a fucking job. 20k graduate scheme has alluded me and ended up in telesales after a few months, went mad, jacked that in and went for err advertising, fucking cold calling architects asking them if the want to take up a listing. Stayed there for a while, tried to stay positive, then finally ended up saying enough was enough. Told the supervisor i was thinking of walking out on a train, then phoned him the next day and left a message saying i'm not commnig in. Got a job as a commodities broker, it was fucking shit, lets just say it wasn't as i'd imagined, jacked that in the next day. Took a job in financial telesales, and er walked out on training when i found out it was temporary. LOL. It's been a fucking revolving door and inbetween i'd wanted to be a journalist and went in to do work experience at a local press. I wish i could talk a bit more about how it's been fucking shit, but i don't want to depress my self even more. I got another job starting in new year, meant to be an account exec, i've spoken with the guy a few times, i think he might be fucking me about. I found the job on Gumtree after all and by all accounts it sounds shit.
Wednesday, 27 December 2006
Life sucks. It was never meant to be like this. I had dreams and they are fading away. I write this as i play poker and frankly nothing better describes the cul de sac that i'm in. all i hope is that somehow something will come through for me. i remember thinking it will get better once i'm old enough, where i'm at this point in my life, but i'd fucked up. it just didn't get any better, the pain just became more bearable and i became more tolerant of it. nothing more depressing than looking at my self in the mirror and being dissapointed it's not the person I had in my head. I wanted everything to feel like the movies, but now i bleed just to know i'm alive.
Tuesday, 26 December 2006
Sunday, 24 December 2006
Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed- interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit- crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing you last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life.